![]() I would suggest not pushing him or bringing up how difficult the entire situation is. You can continue to interact in positive ways and enjoy the time that you do spend together. With this said, none of these means that you do not have control over the circumstances. He’s obviously convinced that this is the way that he feels and the time and the circumstances are going to need to be right in order for him to begin to change his way of thinking. As tempting as it might be to try to convince him that he is mistaken or that it is not healthy for him to be such a loner, this isn’t likely to work. But you will often have to wait for this to happen. In fact, many come to realize that they are downright lonely. Because there are others who like the idea of living alone until they do it for an extended period of time, and then they realize it’s not as great as they thought. (I think it’s probably premature to assume with all certainty that you husband fits in this category. With that said, there are some people who feel much more comfortable and at peace living alone. I know that most people resist counseling in these situations, but if you can swing it, that would be optimal. Or, he may be going through some sort of struggle that is causing him to isolate himself. But I believe that in some cases, what the husband is saying is valid. I can understand why people might think this. The assumption is that he doesn’t want to hurt his wife’s feelings and own up to the fact that the doesn’t love her anymore so he will just fall back on his introvert’s personality. Many people suspect that the husband or the unhappy spouse is just using this “want to be alone” explanation as an excuse. Having Patience To See If His Attitude Will Change Can Be Helpful: I can’t say that this is a common situation, but I have heard from people involved in something like this more than once. I have no idea how I am supposed to handle this. ![]() But we’re both sad that it has come to this. He’s actually loving toward me when we’re together. He says that he still wants a close relationship with me and that he still loves me, but he loves his solitude too much to pretend that he doesn’t. It’s just that he now realizes that he wants to live his life alone. He says that he has no immediate plans for a divorce. But I thought that I would be the exception because of his love for me. I have seen this play out in his life over and over again. He says he is an extreme introvert and that it’s draining for him to have to interact with another person so closely on a daily basis. He says that he is just the type of person who needs to be alone. He says that he doesn’t really have any desire to spend time with any other human being. I had to ask him if there was someone else and he assured me that there wasn’t. We’ve been separated for about two weeks and now he is saying that he wants to be alone permanently. So I know that this is just how my husband is. He can go months without contacting his family and then will only touch base when they reach out to him. I actually know that he loves me and I don’t take this personally because I see him exhibit this behavior with everyone else, including his family and very close friends. He always seemed to distance himself from me emotionally. He’s always been a bit aloof and a loner. I might hear from a wife who says: “it didn’t surprise me all that much when my husband wanted a separation. As a result, he may come to believe that he would rather live alone permanently and this can leave the wife very frustrated and very confused. Perhaps he asked for some time to himself and pursued a separation and then found out that he liked being on his own. By: Leslie Cane: I sometimes hear from wives who don’t know how to approach (or attempt to overcome) their husband’s insistence that he is just more comfortable being alone.
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